I hate..

I hate the way he smile..
I hate the way he talk..
I hate the most is i love him..
I fall 4 him but 4 sure there wont be and ending 4 me...
He x meant to be mine...
He once fall in love with a perfect girl but end up broke up with her...
X sure y..

X 1 knew that he caught my heart the 1st time i saw him..
The 1st day he in the class..
He x perfect nor good looking but still i falled 4 him..
It very obvious that he been mean toward me..
Compare to other he treat them gently and polite..
But when with me,harsh but x that harsh just his tones are much higher...
I do appreciate that he make me his friend and i ask nothing more than that...
He way too perfect to be mine and i don't think i was 4 him...
Lately i dream a lot about him but all the dream without ending...
I try so hard to forget my feeling to him,but day by day pass way,end up the feeling grew stronger and stronger each day....
I try to seek help and solution...
The solution that i found is self hyp myself and the other one is med...
I just wish the feeling wont and dont fade away coz i deeply in love with him...but at the same i...i....i...
I just wish i never knew you...If only.....

Spread my wings and fly...

Some might think that I was insane coz I wanted to try something difference in other people country...I don’t think that is a mistake…I wanted to go to Europe or Australia or even the State…Go there, earn more money and learn something new…Spread my wings and fly…Fly far and higher…High till there is no more space to fly…
Some think that it will be hard and difficult...My god, difficult of course but still can survive…
I can work as house keeper or a waiter in matter to generate my income… Difficulty course but because of the difficulty and failure make me grow up. Learn and be even stronger…The world out there is tough…Toughest then you think…X like playing Barbie dolls …easy…

But still I stuck here…Part 7…After part 7 I wish to go there but I cant…My wings are not strong enough to spread and fly…

Y????

Y does it seem that i been hate by everyone??
The way they look at me seem like,i dont know...They juz look throught me...
HAhahhaha...well that i learn from u all...
I look through u....
It seem that u x exist 2 me...
I know u tink like that oso..
Fine with me....
But....
I dont think that be the issue here but they just make the issue even worst...
Its x like i talk about them or what...
They juz cant let me go...
Blh2 they accuse me and blame me for the CD tat they cant install....
It wasnt my fault that the CD can not be install in their laptop..
MIne fine...
I cant help them...
Well juz like what they say "In the cruel world, if x u dead because of disease other will stab"...
Well that is how cruel the world is...
Thats the way how i being brought up...
Thing that u 1 u must fight 4 it...it wont easily fall down from the sky...
I juz had with them...
Mn2 kamu ja la...

Shit!!! FUck OFF Bitch!!!

God sometimes i cant understand some "girl"..
Even though their body already big or huge but still thereS the childishness and annoyed attitude...
FUCK OFF WITH YOUR ATTITUDE!!!!
They think they are the most beautiful people in the whole wide campus??
Owh please,one is damn annoy with her fucking plastic voice and one just like cow being piece on her nose...just following around everywhere...
4 me i think they got x brain at all....
Well they from the lower class,its ordinary for them....
What piss me off is,last class i got a CD from my lec by using my lec name..if u know from the lab to the staff it will be confidential but still this fucking brainless ass hole shout in her "beautiful" plastic voice..
Conversation:
Bitch:"Hye is that the F software?"
Me: "Yes indeed but ssshhhh,if the lab person found out sir will be in big trouble..later i burn and pas 2 u..."
The fucking bitch grow in storm;
Bitch:"If u dont want to borrow dont take it out!!!dont show off!!!"

FUCK BITCH!!!DOESNT SHE HERE WHAT I SAY??I'LL BURN N PASS IT...
Huh well,low class and lot of wax in the ears...

If i was mean like i use to back then,other then kicking her ass i will say;
FUCK OFF BITCH...CANT U HEAR WHAT I JUST SAY EARLIER??I'LL COPY IT AND PASS LATER!!! IF COMPARE U AND ME,U IS THE ONE THAT MEAN TO OTHER!!!IF U HAVE NOTES U NEVER SHARE WITH FRIEND,WHAT MAKE IT WORST,IF U GOT GOOD STUFF THAT WILL HELP OTHER U WILL JUST GAVE IT 2 THE GUYS 1ST AND THE GIRLS, HMMM LET ME THINK....NEVER!!!!...IT'S MAKE ME WONDER,ARE YOU A SLUT OR WHAT????ONE THAT HUNGER 4 A GUY..HAHAHAHAAH....SO I THINK IT WILL BE FAIR AND NO PROBLEM IF I DO SO...BESIDE THAT,THE CD IS MY OWN EFFORT,I ASK AND ASK AND ASK FROM SIR,NOW WHEN I GOT IT,U JUST WANT TO SNATCH IT AWAY FROM ME??? GOD U SUCH A BITCH..I HATE U...I KNOW IT ALL ALONG THAT U BEEN NICE 2 ME COZ THERE OPPORTUNITY AND ADVANTAGES THAT U C IN ME...

Even though theres different btwn u and me but i damn sure that i far bttr then u...
At least i dont use a plastic voice to flirt with guy....
Im so sure 200% im good...
Even though other not close 2 me but i treat them equal and care 4 them..
Like my class slogan is "Sharing is Caring" but 4 her "keep it myself is better"..

Let me go...or give me a chance..

Y??Y is everybody keeps on telling me 2 look 4 a partner or “boyfriend”. Can’t they just leave me alone??
Am I do really need a man in my life right now? Is that obvious? I don’t think so…I don’t think that I need one right now right here… Yes Most of the time I do talk n ad envy they that had bf but when I come back n think bout it, I really don’t sure. I DON’T KNOW… I really do…
I wish for one but god I don’t know n x sure… I totally lost…I can’t be just the girl in the Celcom ad, do i?? Its just make me desperate for a love… Like the ad “Sir, will u marry me??”
Ahh…so lame…No way…I don’t think so…But frankly speaking, recently I think i attracted to his one guy…I in the same class of him..Or pendek kata most of my class is with him…I cant even look at him straight into his eyes…When I do so, I remember my dream. I dreamed about him last Saturday… God that dream is wonderful but at the same time is killing me…How can I face him in class. Even today in Tax class my heart is pumping fast, n later in my friend’s stall he was there too…He made my heart pump fast n slow at the same time…I can go insane if this stuff keep on…ehuhhh…. I looks like I’m desperate 4 love n my answer is “yes” n “no” at the same time…Ahhhh….help me….SOS…SOS…

Friendship that never end...I love u all....

Sign.....

Y that is hard to let one self out 2 love other without condition?
Wish 2 be loved n wish to love always hard to find their way together.
It seem that always happen 2 me...I started 2 give up hope...
Pity me...
Bu still i still hold on that one say my white knight will show up...
More or less like in the fairy tale story and we live happily ever after...
Hopefully....

why??

Truth and Lies

Love and Hate

Trust and Betray

Why does this two always come together?

Cant there be the one and only….

Like cant there only a love? Or Trust in a relationship?

I wish it can but cant...
There is a guy that I care and dear the most and at the same time he is also the one that hurt and kills me the most….

I love him and he is the love of my life…

But sad and pity he doesn’t know how I felt 4 him...

Every day I thing about him…

He ain’t care and don’t even look at me…

Frankly speaking it does hurts…

I wish he knew but….

Then I think that times had come and I think of letting him go…

Out from my heart…

Im tired of searching the right one…

One of the heavens made just for me… For every human being in the earth…

I still remember a wisdom advice that I received from my friend recently (RJA), she told me that “even though the taste of searching and waiting is bitter but still if you found the one but it he the one?? You cant be sure…beside that, the story is it you keep on chasing for him and end up he doesn’t appreciate and cherish you. You just have to wait and wait for the right one to show up, and one that will surely reply your love sincerely and without condition.”

But it is really???

Hard 2 think and even harder to believe….

And this time I will try 2 believe and try 2 wait instead go and look for him, the right.

A Litter About Me

1) How many siblings?
5

2) What do u loves the most in the world?
1st of course family
2nd Money
3rd All my bestest fend in matrices no with 2005397 and 2005716 and every1 that know me and I know u…

3) talk about love, do u believe in love at 1st sight?
For 20 years, I never believe that 1st love do exist in this world. In the future im x sure..(^_*)

4) Who hurt me the most reasonly?
Daniel Victor (Hate U, liar)

5) Thing that make me happy reasonly?
My relationship with one friend that one I care is getting on track… (Zie)

6) What did I regret the most?
Hmmm..Im x sure bout that..

7) If got chance to go back in time what will i change??
I’ll change nothing from the past…( Hhehehe)

8) What did I hope in my life?
I hope both my parent always healthy and happy always,
World peace,
All people in the world live hormonally…
And mayB find 1 guy that will love and care 4 me till the day I died..(Wink ^_*)

9) What type of guy that is my taste?
Hhmmm…im x sure…Maybe he must at least have 5 C, educated, taller or same height as I am, no an alcoholic and gamble guy, most important love me and I will love him twice as much as he love me…(^_*)

CONFESSION OF A BROKEN HEART

You are the one that take my breath away 2 year ago,

Your smile is a killer smile,

The sweetest smile that I had ever seen,

Your attitude is far beyond other guys,

Your gentle words stung me by my heart,

But still your not mine,

Both our world are far too different,

U cant neglect urs n I cant abandon mine.

Both of us are too ego…

But far deep in my heart there you’ll always be…

No matter how I change or where I go u will always be in my heart….

Even thought u n I far apart but my heart will always have ur image in it…

I care and love for you…

Please....

I can’t find a reason to let go,

I can’t find a reason to hang on,

What when wrong can be ok,

If only u came back 2 me.

Sometimes I wake up crying at night,

Sometimes I scream out your name,

What right she had to take your heart away,

When for so long u were mine?

Please tell me she not real,

Please tell me that u coming home tonight,

Back into my arms,

Please coz im falling apart.

Please take the tears away,

Brings back the happiness in me,

Back to when u n I both were deeply in love,

Ease away the wound in my heart.

Yuen Fen (Destiny)

Well I kinda like the word Yuen Fen coz this stuff is weird...N I do agree that blood is thicker than water…no matter how the sibling’s fight they will still end up be together. But hye it was different when couples fights…That will be days 2 settle but siblings no…Only few minute or even second to cool down the temper…Im sure that most of u doesn’t know how hard a yuen fen can be right?? Well I readed in the ancient mythology books and face and hand reading books and it said “One can only be father and son after 7 life cycle and fulfill all their promises from life before”, “a siblings can only be together again after 8 cycle of life, “husband and wife can only be together again if only they are distant 2 be together and few can only met after 7 cycle of life:.

Even when I had a fight with my sibling it only last few minute and then I will be ok…. Same 2 my best gurl fend, when she had a fight with her sis…what make it even worst, she pull off a hand full of her sis hair…god...after rebonding lg 2…hahha...yah they fought but still they love each other and there no one can change their for each other…Same with my siblings…now that all of us are far apart we still argue on handphone via sms and even call juz to hear her voice…ya sumtimes I can be annoy but trust me…it heal the lost in my heart…( Right SAA5418..hahahha…)

Even siblings, parent are far apart but the relationship will always be there...u cant c it , u can touch it but it is there…There right inside u’re heart…Love them b4 it gone..gone forever and unplaceable…

Does true love really exist?

The term of true love or love one really exist in this world? Our very own world? Is the love of Romeo and Juliet really does exist? It is true that one can give up their own life for the other??

For me it’s all just rubbish...No one will give up their life for other. Trust me… If there a battle the 1^st thing that comes in mind is save your own life…no time of saving other or sacrifices yourself. All that can only happen in a movie…

Vows of “till death do us a part”…can it still be trust in this modern society?? Some said yes and some no…me myself...NO…till debt do us a part yes but no till death do us a part…Most marriage couple surely will argue about the bill and all the debts…and then, when no more solutions, here comes the word if nightmare “divorce”…Some think that divorce is the last choice that they can think of but who will hurt the most? The wife? The husband? Nope not either of them but one that stuck in the middle (the child)…Once that made out from and with the seeds of happiness… They suffer the most…the suffer separation, argument, fights, and rights…. And because of all that some face break down and some choose to run away and the worst suicide…

Its make me wonder how can you stop loving each other?? How can the love fade away?? It is because you bored of each other or leak of trust?? Any tinny winy thing can be the reason of separation of once known as the happiest couple…

Think bout it before step into the ails… It’s no easy to raise a family…

Fragile Life

Does u think our life is very fragile and priceless?

At this minute we were talking and laughing and the next puff...DEAD...

Trust me it does...

Few weeks ago me and my younger sister was talking and laughing about our past time and my older sis’s ex bf...

Then my elder sis argues and asks my younger sis where his bf...

In a sad tone she told us that her bf had past away...

I thought she was laying but that’s the truth...

He died in a car crash...Day b4 my sis end her national service at sansui...

What make it much sadder is the guy always calls my sis and he made my sis happy. She treated my sis like a Queen. His own queen in his hand built palace. He pampered her so much.. Then without no reason he ask a break from my sis. The lame reason that he give is, so that the both of them got more time study and focus in education. Until today, I still do not believe he can let my sis go….

And ya, my instinct was right. One of his best friend called my sis using her ex hp no, he told my sis that the guy (her bf), until his last breath he still thinking bout my sis….He knew he was dying. He suffer from Hepatitis C. Finally everything is clear…He knew he is dying and think of how to minimize the sadness in my sis heart….Until the end of his life he still think of her… Weird?? But trust me… He think of her went he stuck in the crash…Very nice boy but destiny in the hand of our Creator…No one can change it and no one will be spear from it...

Same think happen 2day (17.7.08), and again it make me sad and think why life is so fragile? I call him R…Last Saturday his give birth to a baby girl... A baby girl… thinks that finally him going to get after a long time waiting. But one occasion that all should be happy turn out sour, mood and be a blackest history to R and his wife. What went wrong??? Here’s what happen, the fault is blame to the hospital, they didn’t do their job…They take long time to deliver the baby… end up the baby suffocated in the mother womb… WHAT THE HOSPITAL DOES… HUH...EZ… ALL OF THAT THEY JUST WALK AWAY…LIKE NOTHING HAPPEN…THEY JUZ SAID SORRY FOR U’RE LOST!!!!

Ask y didn’t sue them?? I did ask R, he said 2 me “ if I do that, can I get my baby back?” For God sake, unless u’re heart made out from steel u will know how it feels... But ya, by doing that can their baby, precious litter angel be brought back back alive...Back to her parents arm?? NEVER AGAIN...NEVER...THAT IS THE ONE THING THAT CAN’T NEVER BE DONE…No matter how long u pray, cry till no more tear to shear or even you cried blood. One child that you love the most can’t never be back…never… how can a mother stand that… One that cares the most, love most can hand the sadness??

If you think it’s cruel but that the truth… It does happen around u every minute everyday… Love, precious, pampered the one you love while there’s still chance for you too do so... Don’t wait till the time they are gone…I’ll be like no matter how far u search, or you search till the end of the world and still, u won’t found it… You can never find it again... Grab it and hold it tight in your arm so that they won’t “disappear”.

IS RED FOR LOVE?

Flower that bloom in summer day is as beautiful as the morning dew,

Ocean is calm as the ice,

Once promise to be with me eternality is a lie,

Turn out he is the one that hurt me the most.

Red is once the colour that I love the most,

It represents the forever love that I have,

Love that I wish and though will last eternal crumbled down,

Hope to be with you buried under the grave that you dag with your own hand.

Some said that love is full of sweetness,

Full of happiness and great memories,

But it is true?

You said that I’m the only one,

No one will replace me in your heart,

You make a promise that you will love me forever,

Promises that I think will be last forever.

But it seem I’m too naïve,

I’m naïve enough to believe in your beautiful lie,

My world fall apart when you stab me with your words,

Poison that you gave killed me instantly.

Red that once bloom in my heart because of love had fade away day by day,

Red is still in my heart but not because of love,

It was the color of blood,

Blood that bleeding within my heart.

My heart bleeds and cried,

But it’s ok,

I will stand up be strong and move on without you,

You will only be a good memories that once I had.

y simple life made difficult??

Y ordinary simple life can be so diffucult to get though??
Can it be easy??
Busy with study,works n much more..
Fuh..
Stress..