I know i cant do that....

People always say that u meet a person is by faith and 4ever it will change ure faith...
im x sure is that a joke or real...
Until now,i think i cannot agree more...
I meet him at OT...His a fend of my fend...
At 1st it was nothing,,1st thing come in2 my mind is "ooowwhhhh..."Than as time pass we talk,drink,talk and carry on...Then my GF suggest y dnt we grab some drink that nite....
And owh ya..co-incident,it was my 22nd bday..so we pun p la...That night,i dreamed about him...My God!!!!i met him twice a day,thats all..y can i dream about him...it cant be...i dont really believe in love in 1st sight..but y i dream about him..n yeah..i calm myself up...NNnnaaaa~its nothing 2...but as time pass i start 2 have feeling 4 him..god y can i fall so easily2 him????I kept ask the Q over and over again...and yet i cant find the answer...
I hate mysekf so much that y can i fall 4 him..its x that he x god looking ka..no,that not e prob,he's a wonderful man,great man,although he not good looking as the stars but when i with him, i felt like theres no problem as all...i know my flaw can be seen but he make me comfortable with myself without remind me with my "kecacatan"..
Once he said sumthing that make me cry but what he say is truth...that time i was depress and really down,then i told him..i say im a failure and the biggest crime is i let my parents down..in such berdosa punya child...then he reply me that it wasnt my fault,,,bknnya saya minta kn,...yeah,,,u might think like wat,2 pun u nk cry???but try 2 b in my shoes,i never done anything right b4 in my life, never have any special guy b4,never have a real teenager love and fun...when he say sumthing like that..Puff..Hhhaaa~u get it...
I Really hope something can happen btwn he n me..I really hope he b my 1st and my last but i knew it was sumthing that is impossible..juz like i ask a moon or e sun 2 be my present..that insane...same situation now,its x way bcoz he is a pure RC man that can never abandon his reg...im x that selfish..so i choose 2 keep it silents and will never tell him bout this..bttr u juz be fend...i think that the bestest solution i can think off so that i wont be hurt...Call me stupid but wat can i do..